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I have seen plenty of fights end in smashed items or damage to the house.
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He also threw a knife at her during this altercation. She avoided it but it hit the glass on our stove so hard it shattered into pieces. I remember seeing him take off his shoe and fling it at my mother. Sometimes he was a violent, mean, angry drunk. I did not know when she was coming back and I have never liked being alone with my dad.ĭad was a problem drinker, in my earlier memories he would visit the bar two or three nights per week.
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There were times where my mother left the house as a result of an argument. I did feel very bad on one occasion when they started arguing with each other as to who was at fault for making me cry, but didn’t comfort me. They would continue fighting and not notice I was crying. There were plenty of times when their fighting caused me to start crying in front of them. There were plenty of times that my parents were using the silent treatment on each other and, as a consequence, no one would be speaking to me either. On most days of my childhood, there was a point when all happy feelings were instantly cut off and replaced with sad feelings due to a fight in front of me. It never seemed to matter in their heads one bit that their screaming at each other was incurring right in front of me, all the time. They would both be angry and hurtful to each other. He verbally abused my mother incessantly for my entire childhood. He was authoritarian, aggressive, controlling, and miserable. When I was alone with her it was the best time ever, she was kind and nurturing.īut if my dad showed up, we all changed. She did completely give up her life for our family. If I expressed my feelings and they weren’t good, mom might get offended that we were not grateful for her, she might cry. But other than that, I never had any disturbing event till I became 21.īe patient we’ll get there… At this point I’m still 20.Things were not always nice at our house, but it was extremely important that we always pretended they were. I’d also witnessed only one disturbing event regarding homosexuality a Pakistani guy being killed for being gay in KSA, I was 15 back then. SO, no major aBUT I have to mention a few harassments, not sexual ones THANK GOD, but they caused quite a disturbance in my relationship with my father back then. (The Taurus thing kicks again :P)Īnyway, one day I decided enough is enough, I’m ready to act upon my sexual desires & identity. I’m still friends with her till now, what can I do? I’m adorable. So, I did accept the fact that I’m gay at a young age I was 19 & a few months, nevertheless I had to prove it to myself, so (hold your breath guys) I had sex with a woman (ewwwwww, I know), & actually maintained a relationship with her for over 10 months. Anyway, I have mentioned a summarized conclusion in my other blog. After almost 13 months, I came to the conclusion that Islam agrees with that study, but never state a clear statement about gay sexual activities, or whether homosexuals are accepted in “the Kingdom of Heaven” per say.įor those who are wondering about Lut story in the Quran, the whole concept is misunderstood & misinterpreted, they were not punished for being homosexuals as the flow of the story events tells. Never been lucky with the Christian ones, but thanks to my grandfather’s & father’s reputations, I was able to have access to many rare Muslim books. I had to do my research, then studied Muslim and Christians Scripts, to know where religions stand from one’s sexual identity. There, I heard of that “new”, back then, study about being “born gay”. (HEY, I’m a Taurus, I HAVE to brag a little… LOL) Poor me ? I got my first “public” hard on at 13, when I saw a gorgeous teacher he was 25, so who can blame me? huh?ĭenial: We’ve all gone through that phase, haven’t we? Well, for me it was between the age of 14 till 18.Īcceptance: Luckily for me, I enrolled in Med School, always been a bright student. Puberty: I remember starting getting all the puberty signs at the age of 12 years old. Grown in a very religious family, grandfather was a Sheikh & Islamic activist, not a terrorist btw for those of you who might think wrongfully that all Muslim activists are terrorists, but he was strict enough. UFFFFFĪnyway, I thought of starting with quick facts:īorn in 1975, moved to KSA (Saudi Arabia) with family in 1979, to live in the Holy City of Medina. I have been writing, deleting, rewriting over & over now. I never thought telling my story would be that hard.